middle_minour

well there's nothin' to lose, and there's nothin' to prove, and i'll be dancin' with myself

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:31:17 GMT

Glee has officially made my life complete.
And so has Kevin McHale.

YES.

Okay, well, I never talk on this, so, Glee is great, senior year is great, college and SATS being right around the corner is not great though.
But still, Glee is still great.
And, folks, that's all that matters, isn't it?

:D

I want to see my family, my wife & child, waiting for me, got to go home I've been so alone, you see

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 09:20:16 GMT

My poor phone of almost 3 years has finally expired :(

And on top of this, it seems things have not changed whatsoever; the situation has just gotten worse, and I can't really do much about it.

Seeing my little sister and spending time with her just threw open that fresh wound all over again. Still no change.

I miss my routine in Reno

like a riot, like a riot oh!

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:32:59 GMT

school just needs to start. i miss school soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very much

:(

oh and i hate people.
yes. very very very very very very much.

Yeah you! You got what I need!

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:32:01 GMT

I am.......
Words can't really process what I've been feeling 19 weeks ago, up till now.

I guess you can say...
I'm happy, because I'm a licensed driver (finally, I know).
I'm morose, because my love life is slowly falling to shambles.
And.... I'm anxious because I'm graduating this year.

All in all, I guess I'm okay, but I really am trying to focus on getting a substantial-ish living, a car, and my non-existant love life.
.
Yep. Non-existant folks.

And it's not that I'm not trying; believe me I am! Okay, lie number 1: I most definitely am NOT trying.

It's hard, for me, to...I don't know...express my feelings in a way that will help me, ya know?
If you do, great. But, if you don't, what I'm trying to say is it's hard for me to be an emotional person when it comes to somebody I really like.

Exactly the way my life is going right now.

Oh well, I can't complain. My love life is pretty much the least of my worries, and I've fully realized I need to focus on college, car-buying, and job-grabbing.

So, until then, I bid adieu!

Sincerely, and without false warm regards,
Chelsey

P.S: I Love True Blood.

in my place, in my place

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:11:54 GMT

it seems that lately i've been striving to keep myself together. it's the rare occasions that i find myself willing to unravel, hoping to fall apart so i can feel that refreshing after effect--the one you feel when you know you've let it all out. but, i can't let go. my body has created a defense wall against my emotions that won't let me crack. i want to loosen the thread that holds me together, but it won't pull loose. i feel like i'm losing my mind 24/7. i feel as if i've lost everything that i love, but i haven't in the slightest.
and for some reason, i'm already dreading Valentine's Day. why? i have no idea. that's another reason why i want to tear at the seams. i want to just let go and let me emotions overwhelm every part of my body so i can be free. i want to shake off my shackles but i can't.

imagine this: there is a bag you have, a bag that you know is one of your favourite bags. you stuff it with stuff you need, stuff you love, stuff you hate but you put in anyway. any moment now you are preparing for your bag to explode so you can get a new one. every time you hear a seam tear, you are excited, because you really want new bag, this one is old and worn out. but, each time you get excited, your excitement vanishes because your bag is still intact, and nothing has exploded, nothing wrong, or broken, or worn away. still the same as it was, like it'll always be.
that's how i feel. my body is the bag and the useless nonessentials are inside, waiting to explode with hidden fury that i've kept in my head and my heart for some time.

i want to break down, and feel the truth of it all. i want to be numb again, and be able to tune everything out with an empty heart and mind.
but i can't.
i'm trying to bust at the edges, but it just won't budge.

where do you go, with your broken heart in tow

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:55:30 GMT

i wish you were a person, livejournal, it would be easier to say alot more, because you're always way more conscience on what you put down on the internet then what you say in person. your brain thinks to fast for your hands and you're left with nothing but empty words, so i'll try and do my best.

i feel happy, but i feel depressed, and what's ironic is a SHOW a fucking show made me like this
is this normal? is there some sort of repressed memory of my childhood or a past life that makes me this way? because i certaintly think so.
i mean, love, i guess, in general, hits me where it hurts. i spend time some times crying. the other day i did what i used to do when i was afraid, when i was younger, and layed underneath the covers with a tent like cover supported by my hands over me, and i would try and stay calm. i listened to Ingrid Michaelson, Keep Breathing, and i tried, but it made me cry even more.
maybe i cry because i normally don't cry alot, and i'm trying to get everything out.

i mean, i can't talk to my best friend, the one who probably knows me better than myself. this guy i like? which isn't really anything new, he is perfect. he is sweet, and smart, and cute, and funny, and just amazing, but i can't do much about that, because we're just friends.

and i try, i TRY so hard to just try and go along with the flow, i want to scream!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

that was me screaming silently, everybodys asleep

i don't know, maybe i'm suffering from depression, and need to take xanex.
my grandpa offered some over the summer, but i declined.

maybe i'm just so fucked up i don't know what to do with myself.

maybe maybe maybe MAYBE MAYBE MA YB E M A Y B E
I
DO
N'T
KN
OW

i just don't know.

i never know, and i don't think i ever will.

with toothpaste kisses and lines, i'll be yours and you'll be mine

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:40:03 GMT

bollocks to everything! sunday was great, then monday kicked my ass. and so has today! quite unprepared and really want the world to wank off. i come home, and there are papers thrown everywhere in my room, trash, clothes, everything!!! and it was tidy when i left! my step mom had taken everything from my dressers and my laundry and thrown them out onto my floor. a)wow, you really know how to get somebody to clean. b) PRIVACY. its a word, have you heard of it? c) my brother and sister never got this treatment. oh wait, i forgot, thats because they're your real children and i'm not. sorry, slipped a bit of my mind.
i hate favouritism. its so stupid. she treats me with indignation, and tells me to do this, and do that. when my brother was only yelled at because he didn't have a job. i work, AND go to school, and i do 5 x as much as that lazy knob, and i'm still yelled at! i can't wait for london, becausei hate it here. my dad doesn't see that she is honestly tormenting me. she wakes me up at 9 on weekends to clean and clean, when my brother would be out all night, and come home, she'd let him sleep. i really hate this situation. its stupid and not making me feel any better about living here.

anyways, i'm loads tired these days
can't tell you why, but i am.

a new word i learned: à che·val: to be on horseback, french term

i think i'm going to start a diary

love enough,
me.

you are the friend who has waited, waited so long

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:35:56 GMT

for a silly response from me about anything that has happened

WELL
for starters
i get to visit london in april of next year! fantastico
i get to move to london next year, promises oh yes
i have a job (i know, i'm as astounded as you are)
i miss school?
and i'm reading war & peace

i'm reading alot

i'm nostalgic for high class society in russia and england in 1813-1889

cardigan season is back
i'm making money and friends

life is good
except i'm without london
and my dear karsyn
horrible events happened to her, kill the stupid son of a bitch and his crackwhore girlfriend...

hmm
well, nothing else new i guess
new music, same old feelings

new crushes and new friends

life is good
but come fall come

oh, i realised i'm an agnostic as well..
.555 atheist too...

my grandpa has cancer
i'm seeing him on the 13th of this month

horrible events, but it isn't his time to go

so, with that being said, i'm not sad for him, i know its not his time

i'm happy
war & peace makes me happy
natasta rostov (?) might be me
except i'm only on volume 1 chapter XX
but her position with boris, well isn't mine, but i'm like her, sort of
and pierre is strange
anna pavlovna, and anna madjsdghowhoreallycares are completely selfish people
prince vassily and princess bustokov(?) are evil doers
pretty good book
so far

submarine to read

oh and...
FEDERER LOST WIMBELDON!1 :/

but...
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE COMES OUT IN NOV

lighter news, lighter boots
into french and jonathan safran foer

raison d'etres

like french
and d-rad

thats enough for now, :)

it feels like years since I've been here, here comes the sun

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 06:05:39 GMT

well, I guess this is where I completely blow my top? no. no, I don't think it will be. hmm... I've been thinking alot about myself in the course of a week. especially today. everybody seemed to take extra happy pills, and the stock has none to supply to me. I'm always the one giving some great advice to my friends, or to perfect strangers, and I recieve none in the end! I realized I surround myself with numerous friends who I assume, and lie to myself are BEST FRIENDS, or keepers. but all they do is sit and listen to me preach to them, but I never recieve help. people say "oh, well that really does suck, that does.." well thank you Captain Obvious. I recieve no help for me! and whenever I need to contemplate my life, or need a friend to just drive me so I can clear my head and be alright again, I never get it. the saying "give and you shall recieve" is obviously a bunch of shit because for 16 years I've been doing this, and I have yet to recieve. I just need solidity, and a good friend. just one, to sit and actually help with what I'm dealing with.

I've come to so many crossroads, and I don't know which road to take.
love, recognition, intelligence, or nein.

I'm still waiting for the moment to arrive. and yet, something inside me tells me I should just give up and walk away.....

maybe for once, I'll not listen to my instincts and go with my head.

alright, alright, alright, alright s'alright

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 21:18:00 GMT

so, i haven't been keeping up with this, like i normally would. i've just been extremely busy. i guess you could say there is a lot going on. it's typically annoying that so many good things happen, but then so many more bad things happen as well. it's like taking 4 steps forward, 5 steps back.
i've been analyzing myself for the past month, trying to figure out the best in me, etc.. it's really hard though, when so many people say one thing, and your saying the other. the events i've accumulated are as follows; i'll be kicked out of my favourite class for a low grade, i almost wasn't going to england, lost two friends, secluded myself, etc..

my lifes a wreck, so until i've gotten it up, i'm not reposting on here.

(this could take a while)

i gave my love and everything, but your still what you are.

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 04:29:25 GMT

so, in the event that i always figure i have loads to post on this, seeing as it is a journal, I NEVER DO.
so much is happening, and i wish i could talk it to you in person and stuff.

I realized that Reese Witherspoon is a great actress/singer.

john mayer, john mayer, for heaven sakes, I love drew baylor.

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:44:56 GMT

so, i have to disagree to everybody who has put elizabethtown down. i mean, honestly? how could you put such a great movie down like that? espesh when cameron crowe directed/wrote it!!!! it's honestly the best life lesson anybody could ever learn. and, if you haven't seen it, don't read this, this is a spoiler. well, drew (played by the great, and goodlooking orlando bloom) starts out as a successful business man, ignores his family, and creates this shoe thats supposed to be gigantic in the shoe business. well, he fails, and it ends up costing the whole entire company 1 biilion dollars (boss played by alec baldwin, acting genious) and he gets fired. and, the whole entire first part of this movie i know by heart. anyway, so he gets fired, and pretty much plans to committ suicide, in a humourous way. he tapes a butcher knife to his eliptical machine, so when he rides it, it stabs him straight in the heart. he throws his nice stuff away in the garbage, and is about to, when his sister calls and says their dad passed away. so, he said for the family he'd go to kentucky, and settle the burial, and talk to all their relatives. he then finds his true identity, and falls in love with claire (played by the wonderful, wonderful, wonderful kirsten dunst!!!! i love her) and all that jazz. but, what's hilarious is that she's a flight attendee, and she annoys the crap out of him, and he gets really agitated, and she leaves her phone number on the back of the coupon she hands out (which she then says "drew, i want you to know, we are intrepid. we carry on") and he has nobody to call, so he calls her, and they end up talking all night/morning, and they meet up, and (which, at the time they meet up it's funny claire says "we peed on the phone" "yeah" "geeze") and then i guess thats the point where drew falls in love, and she ends up setting a roadtrip for drew and his dad (his dad was cremated and in a jar) and he puts his dads ashes in the front seat, and they go across all these states, and he spreads his dad at each and every landmark (like martin luther king jr.s assasination spot) and claire leads him to her, and it ends with them hugging and kissing. honestly, you just have to watch the damned movie, it's my all time favourite movie, and i probably wouldn't be with the outlook on life if it weren't for that incredible movie.

and, because so many people have ruined juno, a movie that looked incredible, i have no taste in seeing it.

OH, OH OH!
GO
SEE
ONCE
I MEAN IT!

RENT/BUY/DOWNLOAD ILLEGALLY THE MOVIE ONCE AHHHHH
i swear, you won't regret it.

glen hansard and marketa irglova do an AMAZING job singing/song writing/acting.
it's the greatest love story out there, in this date and time.

2K7 is almost over

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:01:40 GMT

and I feel like I've accomplished very little. lets see, I moved, went to a new school..... okay? well, next year I KNOW will be eventful as hell because so many things are happening.

1)Summerfest 08' in July that I'm hosting.
2)Roadtrip to Elizabethtown with myself and/or Sierra?
3)London in August to check out the surroundings.
4)MOVE TO LONDON IN OCTOBER!!!!!
5)(bigger news) HP6 COMES OUT ON NOVEMBER 21ST!!!!!
6)I get my license in April.
7)I turn a year older, climbin' that totem pole of age, god.
8)Leave America.

Ohhhh 2K8, I cannot wait to grace your presence.
Tell me how your years been?

much love from above,

off on more bad feet, with this brand new colony;

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 15:31:22 GMT

well, it sure has been a super long time. a LOT has happened since I've last updated, so let's try as fast as we can before I have to leave, to catch you all up.
A) I started a BAN MTV CAMPAIGN on MySpace last week. so far, it's going so great. but, I'm having major doubts about it. www.myspace.com/banmtvcampaign is where you can go to chec it out for more info, etc.
B) I realized that whatshisface isn't supposed to be a part of my future, and it sucks alot. oh well though, I guess. :/
and C) my grades are plumeting horribly into the ground, I don't know what happened. I try and stick to my original good homework doing schedule, but lately I've been thwarted off track by something, or someone, and I don't know who/what it is.

anyway, that's all that's really has happened!
I hope your all keeping well!

-CC

a stone and a half

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:05:12 GMT

so, t'day's the fifth day i've been quite ill. bit upsetting, cause i can't do much! my days are spent at home, watching Project Runway, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, You Are What You Eat, Spongebob Squarepants, and HBO movies. i mean, to a person who goes to school all the time, you'd think it'd be nice to stay home. but now when your so incredibly illllllllll! anyway; CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE! :DDDD exciting, really? upset though, because my dad refuses to order online! how menacing! it's in Japan, but they have us EVERYTHING! oh well.

i'm feeling achey and hungry, so i'll update much more later.
pity really.

much love from above-cc

can't mum, i'm takin' a nap. thought you couldn't sleep? damn..

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 23:36:52 GMT

ever realized that one day, your parents let on something much, much different than what is actually happening? i mean, it's all nice that my dad encourages me, but he encourages me with false hope. you can't tell somebody you can do it, when you know they can't. or, you think they can't. maybe being sick screws up my thinking process....
anyway, i'm just sitting here watching My Family with an upset stomach. i essentially SHOULDN'T have eaten cereal. and, i think that anybody who likes a good movie should watch Bee Season. it's a verryyyy great movie, and Flora Cross is so adorable! Richard Ghere is obsessed with his daughter's spelling ability, and Max Minghela looks like a malnurished 12 year old who joins hinduism with Kate Bosworth.... KATE BOSWORTH?! her name is Cholli, and she's quite strange. anyway, school is tomorrow. i've missed yet 2 days, but it feels like 2 months. not much newity to update you on.

newity? it could be a word. like newton-ity. but, newity. you know?

much love from above
-CC

last request.

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:33:46 GMT

i know i haven't updated in quite a while. hmm. i've been sick/busy. fresno was a complete downtrot. i mean, COMPLETE downtrot. my mom was trying to make fake amense, and it didn't go over as well as she planned. so, you know of course i confronted her about it. it didn't go smooth. but, i got to see my little sister, which was basically the highlight of the whole thanksgiving break. she has grown so much in 4 months! 5 years old, and everything she says happened, happened when she was 4. ahaha. anyway, i am sick with the flu, and i tell you it feels like i've been beaten with a bat all over my body. :/ not fun really.

well, i hope your thanksgiving day was loads of fun! more fun than mine anyway.
i'll update more often.

-CC

it's been a long time, now i'm, coming back home.

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:01:45 GMT

greets and sheets! today is finally the start of my Thanksgiving vacation. it's nice!! and i have to say, today could not have gone by any slower! anyway, tomorrow i visit home. it's pretty exciting, i get to see my bestfriend, and my little sister. 4 months is too long to see the ones that you love. but! on to more pressing matters; one sentence. vive la revolutione de france! well, okay i'm not a big fan, but still. i have a huge 3,000 worded essay due next Monday. which, is all fine and dandy during a regular weekend. but it's not any weekend! i'm going to my family & friends tomorrow through sunday! it's not the best timing, but my Euro teacher grades simply. either you get an A or a D. that's it. no in-betweens. so, it's not the easiest to pull off a big essay in such a short amount of time. my classmates even considered boycotting! i would, but if i didn't have college next year.... anyway! ha! today is such a wonderful day. it's nice to get out!!

now, i hope your thanksgiving is perfect!

much love from above- CC

weekend

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 03:43:27 GMT

so! this weekend has been a-m-a-z-i-n-g! i kid you not. i mean, first off; our debate tournament was this weekend (yesterday & today), and yesterday i gave the best speech about Russia, and Putin. i D E S T R O Y E D him. ahaha, but i didn't break, which okay, i guess i wouldn't have, i'm a novice. but, my hopes were high! and then, let's see, today i had my first senior policy debate. oh my good lord, it went so incredibly well! me and Chris won TWO out of four. which is amazing, because i am brand new to it. anyway, so our first round today went alright, i guess. we lost, but they guy gave us some positive feedback. then, our second one went TERRIBLE. we got beat into the ground with a gigantic stick. and, i hate that girl Mariana, she gets to heated, and she's so incredibly stupid. she was being so analytical, nearly 10x more than me and chris, and her partner didn't know anything. but yet, the judge favored in THEIR side, because "they weren't analytical"! how shit! they really were, and had no good arguments. all she kept screaming was 'AND I SEE NO OTHER BALLOT THAN THE AFFIRMITIVE!" i mean, really! so, came our third round. that went soooooooo great! we won that one, and it was hilarious. okay, so since we were the negative, were pretty much promoting death. so, Chris, at his last rebuttal, thought it would be great talk if he brought up the Malthus case, and ran extinction. okay, you think, but then he says "so, if we give publice health assistance to sub-saharan africa, then all we are doing is promoting overpopulation. and overpopulation leads to DEATH. IF WE HELP, WE WILL DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" ahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. i couldn't stop laughing in round, i'm not even kidding. then, we came to our fourth and final round. okay. let me tell you this now, i usually laugh off my frustration. but in this case, oh my god! i got so upset during cross-x, ahh! she was incredibly stupid, and did not know what softpower was, but she was trying to run a DA on me about it. WHICH MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. then, her partner said "how do we know that the volunteers, ACTUALLY want to go to africa? what if they're forced?" WELL THEN WHAT IS THE IDEA OF VOLUNTEERING?!?!?!?! is what i yelled at her. and, well she's really stupid. and we won that round, obviously. but other than that, it's been a pretty good weekend! :)

-cc

Mystery Theatre 3000

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:09:51 GMT

so, i think today has been the best day in a while. i did well in AP Euro, and everything is falling into place! not much to really say i guess, ahaha. so, i'm going to watch MYSTERY SPACE THEATRE 3000 :O :O

best movie.

oh bad days;

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 00:09:01 GMT

so, today was pretty unexpected. i mean, it's pretty bad i'm always blamed! yelled at before they hear my story, then they always close with an "ohhh i see". but, that's after the fact they accuse you.anyway, i guess this girl who is friends with the foster parenting director who is in my math class, told her my sister is going to sue her??! which is totally untrue! and, my dad called me during class, taking that tone of voice that you know it's dangerous if you push it any farther. which, i was confused when he said "WHY DID YOU SAY ***** IS GOING TO SUE THEM?" and, i was in the middle of class, so my dad thought i blew him off, and hung up, but you can't really take a call, and hold off a lesson just to explain to your father the true haps. so, i called him afterschool, and sorted it out. but, that girl is really getting me in crevices i can't get out of. i wouldn't do anything to hurt my sister, and she barely knows us! anyway, to top that off, i didn't do properly on my Enlightenment quiz, and so that's gonna bring my AP grade down a bit. and, i didn't get to finish my bio lab afterschool either, and so that needs to be taken care of tomorrow, which so happens has to be the day i have policy practice AND philosophy class. sooooo i don't know. and, i'm not ready for this tournament because i still don't get policy, and Johnathon is blowing it off, bragging how on my first day i remembered what Inherency means, so that's no help, and my partner, Chris, he really doesn't know half as much as he lets on, which confuses me, and frustrates me, because nobody is really giving two right shits about this tournament. considering i'm in SENIOR policy, not novice, (senior is advanced debate) and i have no clue what is the haps, i can't do anything about it! and, i'm not a pretty competitive person, i usually blow off steam by laughing. but theres this kid, J.R who is in senior policy, and i really want to show him up one. he is just so menacing looking, and so right-up-his-ass in I Always Win nonsense. i really need to claim victory over him in at least ONE round. if i don't well, then that's going to be a sad day. OH and i'm behind in English and AP Euro because i was sick, and no teacher is bothering with letting me make up ANYTHING so, that puts my grade back. if i want to get into Englands sixth form, i'm going to have to try a lot harder. jalhflajflaksfjkajfkkeafj. today is just putting me back so many steps. it's as if i walked up 10, and now, i'm back downstairs waiting to re-climb. bad analogy, yeah, but you get it. so, i'm putting my faith in my wit, personality, and great charm to get me by these next few weeks. yes, i have great charm, ahhaa. i get to go home finally, and see all my old friends in 7 days. and my little sister!!! i have to say, i am pretty tired of my family up here, in the great sierra nevada mtns, everybody is really trying to be so calm and collective, but there the total opposite. and i think ever since i moved here, bad things have been happening to good people. i don't know if it's karma, because i haven't done anything to bite me in the ass, quite yet. ahh. i wish it were next year.

anyway, thank you if you read this,for letting me vent.
it's nice.

-cc

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:31:13 GMT

so i just finished re-reading this. nietzsche has ultimate power! haha.

so i realized, about right this second, i need to delegate my priorities more. i have all my homework, reading, and writing combustled into some container marked DO SOMETIME. i have need of a planner, or somebody to mark what i need to get done on one of those huge delegation boards like on Super Nanny! that would be, well, helpful! and, i drove home real quick to get my book at lunch today, and i couldn't find it, which i was lucky that i grabbed A History of Oxford, but i ended up not needing a book for english. so, i get home today, at about 5, and it was on my bed. captain obvious thank you very much. anyway! i'm about to head off and read. maybe write a little bit more, i really have been putting off my ideas. it's quite annoying, because i have so much i need to write, but i can never get it on paper, or anything else for that matter. hmm. oh!! and my dad and i had this very long talk about what i'm doing when i graduate. or go to oxford. and he said he had a vision of me being a media promoter marrying a black man. which, considering the circumstances of me being in absolute love with Daniel Radcliffe, was quite the odd ball. i don't know about being a media promoter either. i always figure, i'm going to do freelance photography on the side, but my Art, Literature, and European History major will be under my belt. i guess it's too early to figure out my standing career, ha! well, it's always nice to dream, you know?! oh, and i suggest that you listen to a band called Goldfrapp, if you haven't already. i strongly reccomend it. if you like greys anatomy, you will like them. SPEAKING OF GREYS ANATOMY, i'm recording the new nip/tuck!! yeah, that's irrelevant to greys anatomy, but it's a show, so hey.

anyway, hope all is well with you! i kind of wanted to elaborate on my day a bit more. i was in a rush earlier.

-cc

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 01:48:25 GMT

hiya! well, i got my report card today, ahhaa well let's just say i'm not going to be getting into Yale, or any college for that matter. but, it's only first semester, i'm okay with it. anyway, had some pretty harsh times fall upon us yesterday/today. well, for starters, yesterday; my sisters foster kid, who had just turned 18, said she was going out side to smoke, and needed a lighter, so my sister let her get in her car, well this girl stole my sisters wallet, and it had 600 dollars in it! she left everything else on the side of the street, and ran off with my sisters money. YEAH i know, right? well, anyway, they found the wallet, but not the girl, which kind of sucks, but you know. anyway, today, my brother, well and this whole week, my brother has been acting like a complete and utter jerk. he just got back with his ex-girlfriend WHO THREW A ROCK THROUGH OUR WINDOW, and now he's acting like a big shithead to us, as a family. he refused a ride from me, and he ignores me ... hmm. anyway, i like venting on here.

i'll update on this some more, alright?

-cc

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 01:11:03 GMT

so today was very nice! i got to lounge around, and be lazy for once. i wrote 2 chapters so far, and i guess it's coming out all fine! i'm excited to finish it, i never finish any book i start! i guess it's so habit i can't stop. my dad said i had a.d.d; who knows? but! on with the coming on. i guess i figured out a lot of insights today. not one for sharing, but, this is a livejournal i obviously must. i think today i realized i've been so wrapped up in what i've become comfortable with, i can't accept change. i know, everybody changes; but i can't seem to. maybe it's some mid-mid-mid life crisis i'm experiencing. i don't know, my life just seems so final! you know? i don't know if i'll be a great parent, a great wife, a fantastic friend, a good career woman, i just don't know! the sense of surprise kills me, and i want to know what's going to happen!! maybe i freaked somewhere between "love life" and "holy crap life is over". who knows?! i sure as hell don't...

peaceful day? i would say so.
eventually, i'll post some chapters up here, so you can give me some feedback.

-cc

it's cool

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 07:45:34 GMT

i'm new, to this livejournal.

journal that's live.

artisians use this, why not me?!

stereotypical nonsense.

hi Killy!